It must have been four thirty in the morning when we were driving back to the Hotel, when my associate asked me how I could possibly do it ?

I must have taken a minute or two to ask my self the question and dig deep down within.  What is that magical force that made me continue day in, day out ?  There must be an invisible force that is propelling to return every day for more.  I knew it wasn't about the money, as the money wasn't anything to really celebrate.  It definately wasn't the people, as I could do without the headaches, and it wasn't the stimulating complements on my results ? So what was it ?

Love, yes it was love.  I am not talking about Romantic love, or love of work. It was simply pure unfiltered love that made me work like a madman  everyday, as it is the invisible force that makes us perform impossible miracles daily.  I have discovered that Love is within all of us, yet we rarely tap in to it.  For example, remember the first time you fell in Love with a person, and you thought you would do the impossible for them ?  Remember; when you were scared for a family member, or dear freind and you would go to any length to help them ?  It really is Love that is motivating you. It is within us all however, the day and age we live in, have made us overtly comfortable and lazy. We don't seek it, and appreciate its effects.

Everyonce in a while we are blessed with having the ability to harness this seductive energy and harness it for improving our selves.  I turned to my colleague and simply answered that Love was the greatest power in the Universe. Was this realy it ? Was this the great motivator ? 

So then the question begged of itself, What Love ? and then it became clear that Love is only a tool that we can utilize to help shape results and events. If we are simply to look deep within, there is so much potential and Love within us.

On the shallow side I'll admit, I love to see a woman smile, yet even more so I love to make someone's day by genuinely doing something good for them.

What keeps me optimistic ? What makes me want to write ?  Why am I so driven ? These are questions that I don't have precise answers for, yet everyday the magic is recreated.  There is a feeling of exhiliration of that magical smile, there is a serenity in helping someone out, and yes it is a pleasure that love produces within us.

Love has proven to me that it requires of us to give without return, for it to blossom at the right time. 

May your days be filled with Love and those special moments when you feel it all around you.

Love you all :)

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The following morning, the sea of emotions within me were calm except for a few waves that caressed the shorelines. As I made my way back into the metropolis, I decided music was not on the menu. Reflecing upon the mountain of work awaiting me as well as the souls that needed me like their morning caffeine, the decision was for me to turn my depth of perception within.

So then a thought came upon me ? Have you ever felt empowered by the restlessness around you. Really, what if I decided one day to take advantage of the blessings I have come to discover within?

I know I could never bring my self to ever hurt a soul for my own gratification.  Everyone needs love and romance, and here I am standing in the midst handing out emotional support without return ?

What about the one in the crowd that you are confident will be the one that ends up playing you? Would I indulge my self in a pure game of cat and mouse, until all the emotions are laid bare before the sheets ? 

For me the drive to work is my own therapy, the gentle sounds of the engine reminding me of the responsibility to provide the less fortunate.  Suddenly thoughts arouse my attention and the question begs for an answer.

If the whore begins to truly enjoy her occupation and money is merely a means, Is this the turning point?  Maybe I have reaced the point where listening is the equivalent. I derive my pleasures, from making people find closure and happiness within themselves and yes, it is a feeling of exhiliration.  The emptiness within me generates completeness within them.

At the traffic light, I ask myself if it will be a cappucino at the usual spot, or if I should experiment.  What really is the point of experimenting? I ask my self.  This is my moment to be alone and to nourish me.  I will cherish these precious moments alone, when employees, freinds, family, lovers and would be lovers are all kept at the waters edge.  Yes, the day's labor wil have to wait, as I bask in the warmth of my forbidden thoughts...

Excerpt from "the night we called it a day"

A bouquet of thoughts and emotions that were cascading thru my mind, as I drove away that night, from one side the music was so real and intoxicating that I sang out loud.

On the other hand in the back of my mind, I was perplexed; Why now ?  Was this a coincidence ? or had my subconsconcious set me up ?  Was this so that I would force my self to deal with her ?

The road was uneven and bumpy, which only made the ride out to the edge more amusing. Inside my mind, I went thru every detail in a futile attempt to discover what had happened along the way.  For me it was almost a surreal evening, from dinner to the lounge, the conversations and the "lack of" to the glimpses that still haunt me even the lights of the city were way behind us now.

Somewhere along the road, I stopped to take a short break.  It dawned upon me that maybe our natural flight response must have kicked in, which explains the inner workings of her mind.

Her mind, yes that was the real reason I was in this deep place in trying to decipher the beauty of her soul, yet the unrefined naivte of which glided over every day matters.  In my projections, I attempted to go back in time, and visualize her as a child and thru the different stages of life she had gone thru.

The beautiful part of tonite was that the phones were not ringing, and appointments did not matter, it was the solitude of the road, that allowed me to reflect deeply upon this mystery...

excerpt from "The night we called it a day"

Now that I'm inundated with the subject of love and why the general idea is as useless as Mademoiselle Hilton.  I've decided to share a couple of secrets with you, not that I beleive it'll make one bit of a difference. I have read this in multiple magazines and after a years on the streets I'd say it's the most accurate assesment, infact to me, it's the truth:

This so called "Love" that you mention you have felt for another person is actually a wonderful combination of Chemicals your brain releases when you feel the pleasure of another person.  In fact for those of you, that don't believe it, go and get the article on Love from National Geographic.

On the other hand, I will be the first to admit, that falling in love is a wonderful feeling, and when it's right it blossoms in to a beautiful relationship.

So I'll leave you with popular saying, I appreciate;

What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to decieve...

Now that I've had a chance to settle down, I have reflected over the past few days on what I've observed & learned, so I thought I'd share:

Welcome to Amuteur Night:
As the title says, I have found most efforts are amuteur night.  What in God's name am I talking about ?

Amuteur Night is when artists that are not professionals (paid) go on stage and perform.  Sometimes there are some really good results as there is a naive sincerety. Othertimes, it is painfully obvious when people want to be something they'll never be.

So I'll start with the good: 

I love the sincerety of a person who communicates in simple concepts and recognizes their limitations.  In fact I love it so much, I will go out of my way to help them out. There intentions are good, yet they can't achieve their goals without some advice/assistance.  I guess I feel good when I do good. End of Story.

Now with the Bad:

When people don't recognice their limitations, and lost sincerety a long time ago.  As much as I'd like to help them, I recognize I am no Mama Theresa and I don't have the will or heart to deal with their "issues".  They desparately approach me wanting me to provide them with a feeling of some sort and to cure their inadequacy.  I guess for them I am a magic object that can solve any problems.  You must be joking !!  I can barely keep up on my own.  So I've decided to get a little more proactive and ask my self simple questions (forgive the language): 

Do I really have time to deal with their shit ?  Should I point out to them, that I simply don't believe their story ?

I guess I came up with a simple resolution:  I have 24 hours in a day, and between working, resting, eating and lovemaking (future tense), I need to focus my energies on things that matter: Family, freinds and "honorable" causes.  Otherwise, I come up short, like Danny DeVito in an Athletic Contest.

May all your days and evenings be filled with good, positive and wonderful people!

It has finally dawned upon me, that we can be our own worst enemies.  My conclusion to this is that I view many people enslaved by their egos, desparately needing to prove a point while failing miserably to attain a shred of happiness out of it.  Every day, I am reminded of this constant battle between the ego and the self.  With the ego always needing more and more, to make it self feel better.

A freind mentioned to me that in order for me to get into "the scene" I had to display a certain arrogance and keep my nose up.  Inside of me I cried for the torrents that have swept him into this line of thinking.  My judgement gently assured me, that no such behavior was warranted, infact I prefer not to be part of the "in crowd" if that is what it takes.

Anyone who's been in the game for a long time, knows that it's all about humility, and recognizing our human frailty.  If we manage to enjoy some of the finer things in life, it is not a creation of our ingenuity. I believe it's more along the lines of a divine blessing.  I definately subscribe to the philosophy that we have to do our best, however the over-riding principal is divine intervention.  Which leads me back to our main point of misplaced arrogance.  I wonder how people allow themselves to become arrogant when at the end of the day, we could lose it all in the blink of an eye.  So much for the benefits of arrogance,  excuse me....misplanced arrogance

   Over the years, I discovered that people liked to tell me things, in fact they were very personal things. Things like the love they had found, lost or earned. While their identities will forever be my secret, I have learned a couple of things from them as well as my limited experience. Fact is, I was having lunch the other day with a very dear friend whom I'd known for the past decade, when she asked what would love have been for us if we had ever gone for it, which is the inspiration behind this entry;

My mind has been toying with this wonderful concept for the past week.  In trying to make sense of world events and social situations, here's my twisted take on it:

I'd like to define 3 types of persons, and for the sake descriptive words, we'll use the notion of women as an example, yet by no means the only or intended meaning:

There are 3 types of women in this life.  The first I'll define as the "Honest-to-God" decent women who sometimes make bad choices.  The Second, I'll call "Whores" who have found peace of mind in being open and honest about what they do.  The third, are the ones, who don't know whether they're the first or second.

You can translate this concept into many examples, whether it's business, politics or social situations.  I've found comfort and pride in knowing the first and second types, as they have a common thread between them, they're honest.  I guess you could say their word is their bond. While they differ in their versions of morality, they've recognized the need for sincerety.

In looking at the current global climate, I am confident that you would agree you can identify the "Honest-to-God" woman as well as the whore and "wants-to-be-both" but ends up nowhere type(s)

What's the moral of the story ?  I respect the person who is not scared to show their true intentions as well as feelings. On the other hand, I despise those that will attempt all kinds of tricks indirectly to achieve their goals. 

Many thanks I'd like to offer the "Honest-to-God" types as well as the Whores of the world. In your presence, I've learned the value of honesty.  For the rest, I'm not sure I have any more faith in redemption for you.

I will close with my favorite qoute on this matter; 
                            "Fighting for Peace is Like Fucking for Virginity"

Along the lives we lead comes a time where self respect and responsability take on a new meaning.

I was made aware in the last several days of the Media stunt that a Danish Newspaper did in depicting Islam's Prophet Mohammad (Peace Be Upon Him) as a terrorist wearing a Bomb in the shape of a turban. 

As an individual, I do not posses any leverage over corporate entities, except for one thing. I will vote with my wallet, where I will not purchase any products made or owned by Danish companies untill this issue is resolved in a respectable manner.

I do not in any way support depicting religous figures in a negative light from any religion.  Needless to say, we have enough issues in the world to deal with as it is.

With the vast amounts of e-mail coming in these days, I have begun asking myself why people don't use more cyber etiquette in how they send e-mails.  For example, I have found it irritating when "freinds" send nothing but "forwards."

While I don't mind getting a forwarded e-mail that contains something humurous or of value, it gets very disrespectful when another human being cannot write a simple sentance like, "I hope all is well ......"

Therefore I have taken it upon my self to gently ask others to either send me personal e-mails that they have taken the time to compose themselves. 

Otherwise what is the point ?

By my logic if you want to maintain a freindship with me, send me a note about how you are doing or asking me how I'm doing.  Do you really think I have the time all day to read humour ?  Is there nothing else going on in this world ?  Have we become too lazy to say one nice thing to freinds and family ?

I am going to set the example write now by sending all my freinds and family a nice note asking them how they are doing.  I will set aside an hour to type out individual messages. This will be part of my new years resolution to have more meaningful relations in 06, instead of superficial ones.  Yes, you guessed it: I probably should be focusing my energy into people that care to reciprocate.

There is the right way, there is the wrong way, and there is my way.
I guess you can't be half pregnant. You either are or aren't.
Same things for my freindships and relationships - no half fare on this train !

Do you think I should teach a course on Cyber-etiquette ?