The following morning, the sea of emotions within me were calm except for a few waves that caressed the shorelines. As I made my way back into the metropolis, I decided music was not on the menu. Reflecing upon the mountain of work awaiting me as well as the souls that needed me like their morning caffeine, the decision was for me to turn my depth of perception within.

So then a thought came upon me ? Have you ever felt empowered by the restlessness around you. Really, what if I decided one day to take advantage of the blessings I have come to discover within?

I know I could never bring my self to ever hurt a soul for my own gratification.  Everyone needs love and romance, and here I am standing in the midst handing out emotional support without return ?

What about the one in the crowd that you are confident will be the one that ends up playing you? Would I indulge my self in a pure game of cat and mouse, until all the emotions are laid bare before the sheets ? 

For me the drive to work is my own therapy, the gentle sounds of the engine reminding me of the responsibility to provide the less fortunate.  Suddenly thoughts arouse my attention and the question begs for an answer.

If the whore begins to truly enjoy her occupation and money is merely a means, Is this the turning point?  Maybe I have reaced the point where listening is the equivalent. I derive my pleasures, from making people find closure and happiness within themselves and yes, it is a feeling of exhiliration.  The emptiness within me generates completeness within them.

At the traffic light, I ask myself if it will be a cappucino at the usual spot, or if I should experiment.  What really is the point of experimenting? I ask my self.  This is my moment to be alone and to nourish me.  I will cherish these precious moments alone, when employees, freinds, family, lovers and would be lovers are all kept at the waters edge.  Yes, the day's labor wil have to wait, as I bask in the warmth of my forbidden thoughts...

Excerpt from "the night we called it a day"

A bouquet of thoughts and emotions that were cascading thru my mind, as I drove away that night, from one side the music was so real and intoxicating that I sang out loud.

On the other hand in the back of my mind, I was perplexed; Why now ?  Was this a coincidence ? or had my subconsconcious set me up ?  Was this so that I would force my self to deal with her ?

The road was uneven and bumpy, which only made the ride out to the edge more amusing. Inside my mind, I went thru every detail in a futile attempt to discover what had happened along the way.  For me it was almost a surreal evening, from dinner to the lounge, the conversations and the "lack of" to the glimpses that still haunt me even the lights of the city were way behind us now.

Somewhere along the road, I stopped to take a short break.  It dawned upon me that maybe our natural flight response must have kicked in, which explains the inner workings of her mind.

Her mind, yes that was the real reason I was in this deep place in trying to decipher the beauty of her soul, yet the unrefined naivte of which glided over every day matters.  In my projections, I attempted to go back in time, and visualize her as a child and thru the different stages of life she had gone thru.

The beautiful part of tonite was that the phones were not ringing, and appointments did not matter, it was the solitude of the road, that allowed me to reflect deeply upon this mystery...

excerpt from "The night we called it a day"